I'm in dire need of an attitude adjustment and I can't figure out how to fix it. I have been in such a funk lately, and taking it out on Stephen. I'm sure it has a lot to do with being homesick, not having friends up here yet and my friends being 2,000 miles away when I need them the most, but I can't help but feeling totally alone. The biggest problem for me when I get this way is that I also get really sensitive about EVERYTHING and my feelings get hurt easily.
On Friday I had a bad day. A supervisor told that at my level there is a certain expectation of what I can do and was appalled to learn that I had never done this task before. Normally I would just let stuff like this roll off my back but, because of my funk I'm in, I took it really personally as a slap of my abilities to perform a task. And for me there is nothing worse than criticizing my abilities. Then I wasn't asked to play on Stephen's volleyball team, and when I mentioned it to him he replied with something along the lines of it being a competitive team and not a fun team. Days later I'm still upset about that one.
The worst thing about me getting like this is that I start to feel insecure about myself . I start questioning Stephen's motives with me. I wonder if the only reason he asked me to live with him was because he wanted a stable roommate or whether he's with me because it's convenient or that he feels guilty since I moved up here. And I HATE questioning these things; they make no sense and it only makes me feel worse.
I don't know what to do about this. I'm hoping that I get out of this funk soon though, because I don't like being a Debbie Downer.
Sorry for bitching about this on my blog. I don't want this to be a blog about me being so negative all the time, especially since there are some new people reading my blog who don't know me well enough to understand that I'm not usually like this, but this is a blog about what I'm going through and as such I need to talk honestly about how I'm feeling. I do know that once I work through these things I'll be fine, let's just hope it's sooner rather than later. I'm ready to be back to my normal self.